Being Pregnant Abroad

Having another child was always a decision I found hard to make. One of the main factors had always been the slim-to-no-coverage of health insurance in the U.S. However, moving to Europe and seeing other advantages made me quickly realize that if we were going to do it, here and now is the time.

As soon as you find out you are expecting, the first task on the list is finding a midwife. It is recommended to start early in the game because you will without a doubt have your challenges. This was definitely the case. I spent countless hours researching, emailing and calling only to be told they are booked. Even being told they weren’t available is lucky simply because you got a response. One added hardship for me on top of all this: finding one who spoke English.

When I first was told I needed a midwife, I thought – huh? My plan is to give birth in a hospital. Aren’t midwives for home births? Or am I the only one that thinks that?

I slowly gave up searching. I was only eight weeks along and already so tired and stressed from it. I reasoned that since this wasn’t my first rodeo, I didn’t even really need one. But then the Midwife Gods heard me. A new midwife was transferring to a birthing house and needed some clients to take on. Although she wouldn’t be available until my second trimester, it didn’t matter. I had found my unicorn midwife who spoke English.

Turns out, midwives here are the biggest support system you’ll have. During your pregnancy, they come to your home and rotate visits with your doctor. Since your most important visits to the doctor will be the ultrasound ones (weeks 10, 20 and 30), midwives can come to you “in-between” those and alternate to take off some pressure of you running around.

This is also the case post birth. As soon as you are back home from the hospital, your midwife will visit to check on both you and the baby. This includes things like checking the baby’s weight, checking how breastfeeding is going and most importantly – checking how you are healing. Not sure if this next part is normal but my midwife also offered to change diapers, guided Robert in the baby’s first bath, and also made sure he helped cook and clean to let me rest as much as possible.

Throughout your pregnancy, you carry with you what’s called a “mutterpass” (Mother Pass) book. This book is the Bible of your pregnancy journey. It has information on every visit – vitals, any important tests that were done and notes you may need for the hospital on your big day. This book is to be with you at ALL times, and especially at every appointment.

Like I mentioned already, a huge perk of having a baby here is health insurance. The entire pregnancy is covered. The most I paid out of pocket was probably around €300, and that was only because I chose to do the Down Syndrome test and take other vitamins/supplements along the way. I was surprised to even find the 3D/4D ultrasound being covered. To add to my surprise, my health insurance company reimbursed half the costs under their “family benefit package”. Win!

But the biggest perk of all? Allowances! 

First, there’s “Mutterschaftsgeld”, or maternity allowance, to compensate for the loss of earnings while pregnant. You can start receiving these payments six weeks prior and up to at least eight weeks after your due date. If you choose to partake, the common payout is usually €13 per day. I unfortunately was not eligible for this since one of the prerequisites is that you stop working. Since my work is U.S. based, it was not possible for me to put off my clients.

Second, is “Elterngeld”, or parental allowance. This payment provides added compensation for loss of earnings for new parents for up to TWELVE months. You can work up to a max of 30 hours per week and will receive 67% of the parent’s after-tax earnings with a maximum of €1,800 payout per month.

And last, “Kindergeld”, or child allowance, which is an added financial support paid to you just for having a child. Each child in your family receives €204 – €235 per month.

So let’s talk about the delivery itself. Because of the current pandemic situation, registering at a hospital meant you weren’t able to tour the maternity wards prior to choosing. It also meant all my appointments were done alone. I had more things to factor in – which hospitals had the most English speaking staff, which ones had better visiting hours and how far the distance to home was since we have no car. In the end, it made most sense to pick the closest despite some negatives I had in mind.

A team of midwives care for you once you’re admitted and will be the ones in the room during actual delivery. The doctor doesn’t actually come in until the baby’s head is already in sight. 

I ended up getting induced. This initially settled my fears a bit because it meant we could pick a date and plan ahead on who would watch big sister. However, thinking I’d be in labor that same day and be back home soon was an incorrect assumption. I quickly learned they are very, very (to the point of being pushy) all about delivering naturally here.

An induction was suggested by a specialist soon after they successfully turned my son into position from the outside. I quickly took the recommendation to avoid my son turning back and possibly having other delivery complications. However, upon checking in, I was told by the current midwives on staff that I could be there for days before going into labor and that going home (so the baby comes naturally) at any point is ok. Say what? I’m not having the baby today? 

Induction here is done via pill taken every four hours. The last dose is given at dinner to give you a break and have a restful night. Not knowing when it would take effect, this magic pill would eventually start contractions. It took me three long days, four different roommates of helping them cope through the start of their labor and hearing nightly screams of terror of women pushing in active labor for it to finally be my turn.

Timing was perfect for my husband to use his pandemic-allotted one hour per day visit shortly after my water broke. Since the rule for him to stay longer without limit was only during “active labor”, the hope was for him not to leave and come back again. Thankfully, I hit the 3cm mark before his hour was up. Only then, at 3cm, is when you are given your own private room for go time. Until then, you are in you shared room. Lucky for me, my current roomy and I got along so well that kicking off labor with her husband also in the room wasn’t THAT weird.

I was worried about when I could get an epidural because my not-so-lucky roommates from previous nights asked repeatedly for it but kept getting suggestions of taking alternate routes. Water bath? Gas? Pain killers? Thankfully the midwife in charge of me that night was younger and new. We hit it off really well talking about our lives in the U.S. versus here. Much to my pleasant surprise, she asked me when I wanted the epi and I was quick to take her up on it. I progressed pretty quickly after getting my room and got my epi at 8cm. 

I started to have a bit of anxiety since I remembered they mentioned to me early on that their epi is a “walking epi” where I wouldn’t be entirely numb. If absolutely needed, I could potentially walk. They also mentioned I would feel some of the pain so I would know when to push during contractions. What the hell? Thankfully my husband made sure to watch the clock like a hawk and press the release button to disperse more of it in the allotted 20-minute increments.

And in continuing their “all natural” approach, they didn’t want to stress the baby into coming into the world. They gave him breaks and sometimes had me only push every other contraction. Odd at first, I ended up totally cool with this – so cool that I found myself dosing off waiting. Thanks, drugs. The epi I fretted about was not bad after all.

Being able to leave and go home 4-6 hours after birth is actually a thing here. With that not being common in the U.S., it would have been great to get back home with my family since I had already been there a few days longer than expected. Plus, Robert had a maximum of staying two hours after delivery and then back to one hour per day after. However, since I chose Mr. Epi and also had a few obstacles after delivery, I had to stay a few days longer. Can’t win ‘em all!

It’s already an experience in itself living in another country. Adding experiencing pregnancy and now raising a child, all in the midst of a pandemic, is a little crazy and a lot interesting. I’m thankful to add this chapter to our already amazing German story. The things they do differently here are very interesting, and he won’t remember, but I will always be excited to tell our newborn son Berlin all about it.